Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
