____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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