Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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