Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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