Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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