2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
