That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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