just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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