Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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