have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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