So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You smell like stripper and shame
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How's work?
Spinning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
