He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
