no you cant smoke seaweed
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
