Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
