this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
