I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
