you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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