Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
