oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
