You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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