i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
