I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize