And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Randomize
