I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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