real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
