What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's blow job season.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
