I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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