I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize