i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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