I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
