It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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