so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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