either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
