Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
