u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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