you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
