the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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