so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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