You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
