there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
