the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
