i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
