....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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