A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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