listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
