I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize