A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
