If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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