wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
