no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
