So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
