ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
