So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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