I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
