are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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