I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
