My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
