i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
