once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
