Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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