i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
