the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
