i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
