This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
